Things You Aren't Allowed to Do In Naruto
by bulletproof trucker hats
Summary: It's like Things You Aren't Allowed to Do In InuYasha, except with Naruto.


1) Ask Rock Lee why, in Guardians of the Crescent Moon Kingdom, he didn't just _walk _on top of the ocean when the bad guys threw him in.

2) Make obscure references to 'NTAS'.

2a) In front of the Naruto characters. ('Are you Gaara…of the FUNK?' 'What the hell are you talking about?')

3) Steal Kakashi's 'novel'.

3a) Photocopy it.

3b) Pass it out to prospective Konoha clients. ('Is _this_ the kind of person you'd send to protect my _daughter_?!')

4) Tell Sasuke that you have a toaster oven that does the exact same thing as his Fireball jutsu. ('My TOAST!!!' *sob*)

5) Whenever Naruto attempts to create a Rasengan, snort, and tell him he _totally_ ripped that off from Pokemon. (Lucario and the Mystery of Mew.)

6) Lock Sasuke and Naruto in a closet.

6a) Install spy cameras in said closet.

6b) Upload video on YouTube. (insert yaoi fan girl squee here.)

7) Ask Gaara if he's wearing eyeliner.

7a) Repeatedly. ('Are you wearing eyeliner?' 'No.' 'Are you wearing eyeliner?' 'No.' 'Are you wearing eyeliner?' 'No.' "Are you we-' 'SAND COFFIN!')

8) Henge into Sakura, and hug Sasuke, where Ino can see you.

8a) Henge into Ino, and hug Sasuke, where Sakura can see you.]

8b) Henge into Naruto, and hug Sasuke, where _both_ Sakura and Ino can see you.

8c) Watch them all beat the crap out of each other…from a safe distance, of course.

9) Sing 'Who Let the Dogs Out' every time you see Kiba.

10) Ask Neji- 'How do you _know_ it's fate? Do you have a crystal ball? Can you see the future, like Madame Trelawny, from Harry Potter? Ohhh, does that mean you're a _wizard_?'

11) 'Gently' break the news to Naruto, that he is the Yondaime's son. ('HOW STUPID ARE YOU?!? YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT OUT YET, YOU BRAIN DEAD MORON?!?')

12) Tell Sakura that no matter how awesome her healing jutsu are, Sasuke will_ never_ love her.

12a) Snicker as she runs away crying.

13) Tell Hinata that Naruto finally figured out that she likes him, and he wouldn't date her if she was the last girl on earth…last _girl_ on earth, hint, hint, _subtle _hint.

13a) Snicker as she runs away crying.

13b) Flee for your life, as Kiba, Shino, and Neji attempt to murder you. And let's face it. They're shinobi. If they want you dead, you, my friend, are royally _screwed_.

14) Put super glue on shinobi's hands.

14a) This way, when they try to make hand signs, their hands stick together. ('GRAND FIREBA-what the F**K?!?')

15) Ask Orochimaru what he uses to keep his hair so long and silky smooth. L'Oreal. Because he's worth it. Yes, I used the same joke for Sesshomaru. No, it never gets old.

16) Steal Kabuto's glasses.

16a) Watch him stumble around and walk into things.

17) Call Animal Control, and tell them that someone apparently freed a giant, blue, talking man-fish out of the aquarium.

18) Convince Itachi to get a tattoo, doesn't matter where.

18a) Which reads, "Hell yeah, I'm badass." Note: Mass amounts of alcohol may be required for this.

19) Install flood lights in any secret lair of evil-ness you happen across.

19a) Because there is absolutely _no_ law that says they _all _have to be crumbling down, and poorly lit.

19b) Feel free to implement this one for _any _secret of evil-ness, from _anything._ Not just Naruto.

20) Tie Tsunade to a chair, and force her to watch, as you pour _every single bottle_ of her sake down the drain.

20a) Generously offer her a handkerchief, as she bawls her eyes out.

21) Convince Hinata that Naruto can never return her feelings for him, because he is _gay_ and is in love with Sasuke.

21a) Convince Sakura that Sasuke never liked her, because _he_ is gay and loves _Naruto_.

22) Call the Board of Education, to report the 'unorthodox teaching methods' of one Iruka Umino.

23) Sic an exterminator on Shino. ('Worst darned infestation I'd ever _seen…'_ *shudder*)

24) Introduce Voldemort to Orochimaru. Can you say 'World Domination'?

24a) Introduce _any_ Harry Potter character to _any _Naruto character.

24b) No matter _how_ awesome the crossovers are.

24c) And some are pretty damn awesome.

25) Inform Sasuke that you know the location of the Akatsuki base, and you are willing to share this information.

25a) But only if he swears to rebuild the Uchiha clan.

25b) With Naruto. Yes, I realize this might be _slightly_ impossible. But the funny makes up for that _tiny_ detail.

26) Tell Naruto that you know the truth about his family.

26a) When he asks what the truth is, take him by the shoulders, and, shaking him wildly, scream, "You

want the truth?! You can't _handle_ the truth!"

27) Ask Itachi how he can _possibly_ be a kick-ass, cold-blooded, S-rank, missing-nin.

27a) If he couldn't even bring himself to kill his _defenseless_ five-year-old brother.

28) Eat Anko's dango. Note: Not highly recommended.

28a) Run, before she finds out who did it.

29) Photoshop pictures of Asuma and Ino together.

29a) So it looks like Asuma is seducing her.

29b) Watch Kurenai's reaction…as she beats the ever-loving shit out of him.

29c) Smirk and say, 'Told you they _looooved_ each other.'

30) Replace all of Tenten's weapons, with the plastic variety, commonly found in the Halloween section at

Party City.

31) Offer Hayate a cough drop.

32) Spread the rumor that Jiraya is only a peeping tom because he can't get any in real life.

32a) On second thought, this might not be a rumor.

33) Ask Zabuza if his big-ass sword is _compensating_ for something.

34) Follow Haku, screaming, "SHE-MALE!! HAKU'S A SHE-MALE!!!" Note: Be sure to implement

35 before doing this.

35) Stick anti-freeze in any water Haku might have the slightest motivation to use. ('Why the _hell_ isn't my

Kekkai Gekkai working?!?')

36) Spike Lee's drink.

36a) Take photos of the resulting carnage.

37) Tell everyone that Kimmimaru died because he had leukemia. No offense to anyone who's had to

experience leukemia.

38) Stick Shikamaru in a brightly lit, white room.

38a) With no shadows.

38b) Or clouds.

38c) Or anything, really.

38d) And make sure he can't fall asleep.

39) Tell Chouji's mom that the medi-nin are concerned that her son is obese- oh, sorry, _pleasantly plump_.

39a) And have decided to put him on a no-chip diet.

40) Try to get high.

40a) By licking Gamabunta. (There are Indian tribes that do this. I am not making this up.)

41) Question: How do conjoined twins have sex?

41a) Answer: Ask Sakon and Ukon.

41b) Ewwwwww.

42) That Shock collar that they put on Cartman, from South Park? Yeah, put that on Tayuya.

43) Introduce Naruto to Kurama, from Yu Yu Hakusho, and Shippo, from InuYasha.

43a) Mention that since they're all fox-freaks, they should get along wonderfully.

43b) Run away from three 'fox-freaks' in blood rages. Well, they _are _getting along, I suppose…

44) Ask Kidomaru how 'alone time's' going for him…

45) Write Naruto x Avatar TLA crossovers.

45a) Because they're only good if they're _exceptionally _well written.

46) Sic the copy right police on Kakashi. ('Excuse me, are you Konoha's Copy-nin?' 'Maybe. Who

wants to know?' 'Copy right police. You're under arrest.')

47) 'Accidentally' scratch Naruto's headband.

47a) Right through the leaf symbol.

47b) Tell Tsunade that Naruto decided to become a missing-nin.

47c) Tell Naruto that Tsunade just declared him a missing-nin.

47d) Tell everyone in the Naru-verse that it's fox-hunting season.

47e) Laugh at resulting chaos.

48) Ask Neji how it feels to have a Nazi symbol tattooed on his forehead.

48a) Run like freaking _hell_.

49) The next time Tobi says that he's 'a good boy', snap, "NO! Tobi is NOT a good boy! And who the

HELL told you it's cool to talk in third person?!?"

50) Ask Zabuza why, WHY, he stole the Tetsusauga from InuYasha.

50a) The Zanbato from Sanosuke (Ruroni Kenshin).

50b) Or Banryuu from Bankotsu (Also from InuYasha).

50c)Because his reaction would probably not be favorable to your health.

51) Actually play bingo with a Bingo Book.

51a) _Yell_ 'BINGO!' every time you kill someone in the Bingo Book.

51b) This is crass and rude, not an amusing new game.

52) You are not to say the words, 'What's that, boy? Timmy's stuck in the well?' to Kiba.

52a) Kiba is _not _Lassie.

52b) Kiba is a shinobi, and he is quite capable of killing you if you piss him off.

53) Never, and I mean _never, _use the song 'Don't Stop Believing' by Journey, to relate to Naruto.

53a) Ever.

53b) Seriously. I will find you.


End file.
